How not to preserve a magnolia blossom

I like to try new things. There’s nothing quite like that initial excitement of discovery, that euphoric feeling of figuring it out, doing it right, creating that thing of beauty. Know what I mean?

Then again, sometimes, learning what NOT TO DO is as as good as it gets.

I’m not sure how this all started. I think it happened that my brother-in-law, Gary, wanted to take a magnolia blossom home after vacationing at my house about a month ago.

Magnolia flowers are big and beautiful and it struck me, then, that I wanted to try to preserve a few, both for me and for my sister and her husband.

So, I got on the internet and did a quick search and discovered several methods to preserve flowers.

The first method I tried was coating a whole flower with Mod Podge since I had some of that on my craft shelf.  My sister, Pam, helped. After carefully painting the gluey stuff on and in between and under every petal, we left it to harden. Within hours, the flower browned. Fail One.

The second method was drying in a dehydrator. I had never used my dehydrator before. A gift from my mother-in-law, it sat unopened for over a year on a shelf in the utility room.  I took it down once, last fall, and tried to sell it at my yard sale, and almost donated it to Goodwill afterwards, but, in the end, stuck it back up on the shelf, completely forgotten again until I read an internet suggestion that it is a viable way to dry flowers.

Thrilled that it had not sold at the yard sale, or found its way to the local Goodwill, I pulled it off the shelf, read the instructions for using it to dry flowers and decided to give it a try.

After Brian cut a blossom from our tree (too high for me to reach), I placed it on one of the drying trays and tried to fit it onto the dehydrator. Oye, the blossom was so big, the lid wouldn’t come close to fitting over it! So, I cut more of the stem away, forced the lid on the dehydrator and broke the flower in the process. Fail Two.

Since this never used piece of equipment was out of the box and set to go, I decided to clip some other smaller flowers and dry them. I snipped an assortment – lavender, hibiscus, yarrow, coneflower (don’t they look pretty?) – placed them on a dryer tray, popped the lid on, set it to the instructed temperature and prepared to wait 10-12 hours. Easy Peasy.

In the meantime, I decided to re-check the internet more thoroughly for better instruction on preserving magnolia flowers.

Ideally, according to the site I found, using silica gel is the best method for preserving magnolias. Bulk silica gel can be found at floral craft stores and is rather expensive according to my source. Since it would be a very long drive for me to get to a floral craft store and since I was broke and since I was in the preserve-magnolia-blossom-NOW mode, I decided this method was out of the question.

Second best choice is equal parts Borax and white cornmeal mixed with 3 tablespoons of salt per quart.

I found Borax and white cornmeal at the Piggly Wiggly and mixed a batch of desiccant.

In the end, to cover the whole flower, as per instructions, I had to use the whole box of Borax and the whole bag of cornmeal (at a cost of about $9.00 for ONE flower).

I also opened a new closet dehydrator (my last one, too) and inserted it into the box with the other stuff. Anything to help the drying process, I reckoned.

The instructions said to leave it alone for two to three weeks and then gently check to see if the flower is dried and papery.

In the meantime, I checked the other flowers drying in my dehydrator and here is the result:

Okay, so maybe you can’t tell by the picture what an EPIC FAIL this was, but trust me, it was.

And, after two and half weeks – slowly, gently uncovered – here is the magnolia blossom:

I learned a couple of things working on this flower preservation project, mainly that there are dozens of practical uses for Borax all around the house and I should keep a box on my shelf just for the hell of it. Oh, and I learned how to spell desiccant (one ‘s’, two ‘c’s). Fail Three.

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My Perfect Iced Coffee

This morning, while perusing Facebook for interesting conversations, I stumbled upon Ree Drummond’s (The Pioneer Woman) post featuring “Perfect Iced Coffee.”

I’ve thought about making iced coffee before and even found a copycat Starbucks Frappuccino recipe on-line once which I saved and promptly forgot about.

So, I decided to try my hand at it today with this really simple, really yummy, perfect for hot summer weather recipe.

Her instructions indicated to add two quarts of cold water to a pound of strong coffee and let it cold steep for eight hours or overnight, no brewing necessary. I pulled a package of coffee out of the freezer (yep, that’s where I keep it for long term storage) and began looking for a suitable container.

Here, dear readers, is where I tell my story in “real” time (in case you are wondering why the verb tense change).

As I open my vacuum sealed bag of Folgers, I see that it’s not a full pound. (Oh, yeah, we used to be able to buy one pound bags of coffee, but now the portions are noticeably smaller, all done quietly behind our backs like we wouldn’t notice! What a rip! But, that’s a different story for me to rant about another day.)

So let’s see, this package is a whopping 10 and ¾ ounces. Ok, so now I have to do some math to get my proportions right. Let’s see, first, let me round my figure down to an even 10 ounces, which is easier to calculate. So, I’ve got 10 ounces rather than 16. Ok, so 10 goes into 16 once. Er, wait, I mean 16 divided by 10 is, is, is, what?  Grrrrr, this is getting way too hard for my math challenged brain to wrap around. Oh, wait. Let’s see…

One pound of coffee is 16 ounces and two quarts of water is eight cups, which is, 16 times 8, which is 10 times 8, which is 80 and 6 times 8, which is 48, which is 128 ounces, which divided by the 16 ounces of coffee is 8! Which means what? Two ounces per cup? How did I come up with that? Sheesh!

Somehow, I think this calculation is right and I can’t make myself start over, so my 10 ounce bag will make 5 cups of future iced coffee. Right?

What? WOW! If this package of coffee will brew 90 cups of coffee (it says so on the front of the package) and I’m using the whole bag to make 5 cups of iced coffee, this stuff is going to be super strong and super expensive or I’m doing it way way wrong!

Let me go back and look at her recipe again. OMG! Pioneer Woman’s recipe does not say eight CUPS. It says eight QUARTS!

Now, I have to recalculate and my brain is already fried! Hell’s Bells, this is a nightmare! I DON’T EVEN HAVE A CONTAINER THAT WILL HOLD EIGHT QUARTS! Which is, let’s see, 16 ounces in a cup, 2 cups in a pint, 4 cups in a quart, 4 quarts in a gallon,  OMG, I need a 2 gallon container! Er, wait, not a 2 gallon container since I only have 10 ounces of coffee. Um, so, I need a 5 quart container! Right?

Yes, I know what you are thinking, but I can’t make less as I already poured the whole bag of coffee into 5 cups of water and it’s been steeping for a couple of hours already!

I can’t find a large enough suitable container, so, I will have to use my sangria urn. It holds one gallon and maybe a few more cups if I fill it to brimming. My best guess is that it is about two cups short on the required water, but it will have to do.

Transfer of the original five cups of gloppy, soppy coffee grounds to the urn was a tad problematic with some splashing and staining my favorite pink shirt and spilling onto the counter and floor.

(This is my shirt, probably permanently stained. I tried to take a picture of it while still wearing it, but that didn’t work out.)

I’m not sure how long I should wait. Since my recipe is strong on coffee and short on water, maybe I should strain it at the minimum eight hours. And, too, I don’t know if I should count the time from when I first started it at 8 a.m. or after I corrected it at 10 a.m.

Tick tock. Tick tock.

Voila! At 4 p.m., I strained the coffee, washed the sangria urn and poured the clean coffee back into it for serving and storage.

I stuffed a glass with ice, filled it a little more than half full of coffee, added a teaspoon of sugar and a splash of cream. OMG! This is good!

It is now 4:30 p.m. and I am drinking my second glass. I’m feeling a bit wired already and I’m sure will not be sleeping tonight!

The recipe is as follows:

1 pound coffee mixed with 8 quarts cold water (OR, 8 ounces coffee and 4 quarts water, OR 4 ounces coffee and 2 quarts water – see how good I am at math?)

Steep for 8 hours or overnight. Strain. Keep chilled in the refrigerator.

Fill a glass with ice, add coffee, sugar, cream – whatever floats your boat!

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Minnetonka Moccasins

I got a new pair of house shoes a few days ago. They’re called Minnetonka Moccasins.

Minnetonka. Loosely interpreted as “Great Water.” Located near Minneapolis, Minnesota. Near Lake Minnetonka and Minnehaha Creek. First settled by Dakotah and Ojibway Indians.

Really cool moccasins.

Not surprised, but definitely disappointed.

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