Gotta have milk

I don’t know if this blog post is about milk, or first grade memories. You will have to decide for yourself, I reckon, and then comment accordingly!

First, about milk. I love milk. It is my favorite drink in the whole world. I drink it at breakfast, at lunch, at dinner and sometimes I even have a glass with a snack.

I have not always had this close relationship with milk. Growing up, I never drank it. We rarely ever had it in our house. My dad, the grocery shopper, did not drink milk. So, he bought canned evaporated milk for mom to add to her coffee or to reconstitute for a recipe. 

When I was a senior in high school, Brian remembers coming to the house one morning to see me before school and was shocked and a bit creeped out that I had toast and eggs with a tall glass of Pepsi for breakfast!

At some point after we were married and I was pregnant, Brian convinced me that a glass of milk every once in a while would be “good for me and the baby.” And, so, I began my love affair with milk.

So, now to my first-grade memory. I bought the school cafeteria lunch everyday. Back then, students didn’t get to chose what to get on their trays, they simply got whatever was served that day – a mystery meat, vegetable, fruit and milk. The milk came automatically. But, I never drank my milk because I didn’t drink milk. I didn’t like milk. I never even opened the carton. Sometimes I traded it or just gave it to someone else to drink, but most days, it got thrown away.

Now, after lunch, we got to go outside to play. Ergo, the quicker we finished lunch, the sooner we played.

One day, my first grade teacher, Mrs. Biddleman, who sat at our lunch table with her class, usually across from me so she could keep an eye on me, decided that I should drink my milk. “Think of all those poor starving kids in China,” she said.

“I don’t like milk,” I said. “It makes me sick.” “The kids in China can have it.”(Well, I can’t remember our exact words, but it went something like that)

I’m sure I said something sarcastic that pissed her off, because she informed me that I could not go out to recess until I drank my milk. Now, somewhere in my six year old logic, this was wrong. How could she insist that I drink something that I didn’t want, didn’t like and had bought and paid for with my own (well, with my parents’) money? So, we sat. And, sat. And all the other kids in first through third grades ate their lunches and went outside to play. And, finally recess was over and everyone went back to class. It was then that I got to throw my milk in the trash and go back to class. Triumph! Or so I thought, as the next day, Mrs. Biddleman and I sat alone in the cafeteria for an entire recess once again, while all the good boys and girls got to go outside. But, I had my principles, dammit! When she did it to me for the third day, I began to worry. I worried mostly that I’d drink my milk and barf. Boy, that would sure show her!  But, by the following week, Mrs. Biddleman had tired of this little exercise in six year-old mind control and gave up. I am proud to say that I never caved.  

To this day, I am very picky about my milk and there are certain brands I refuse to drink. All milk is not the same! My favorite milk is Publix store brand. I like the ½ percent milk best, but if I can’t get that, I will drink 1 percent or 2 percent, too. I’m the one at the grocery store going through all the milk on the shelf to get the freshest one, too. Brian is trained to do the same.

I guess I’m a milkaholic. That’s the first step, isn’t it?

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Cat poop

Well, this would be a ridiculous topic if it wasn’t so pathetic and oh, so true! Most of you know I have four indoor cats: Grace, Tink, Tess, and Charlie. Four cats equal lots of cat poop. How much can a person write about cat poop? Well, let’s just see…

My day starts out with cat poop. Right after my morning coffee and before I leave for work, I pooper scoop four cat litter boxes. And, once a week, I empty said boxes and re-fill with fresh litter. Needless to say, I go through quite a lot of kitty litter each month, probably close to 100 pounds, give or take.

Grace is the alpha female.

There is a place in my back yard at the edge of where my property becomes woods that I have been dumping the kitty litter. I call this place Kitty Poop Mountain. Brian recently suggested that I start alternately emptying the boxes at various other locales in the wooded areas of our property, so that we don’t end up with one huge pile of poop. Yes, good idea! Why have one huge mountain of poop when I can have numerous hills instead? So, every weekend, usually Sunday, I carry the litter boxes, two at a time, to the edge of our back deck. From there, I can load the four of them into the wheelbarrow for easy maneuvering through the back yard. (Clever, aren’t I?) After a wash at the outdoor water hose, I dry them and return them to the laundry room to be filled for another week. Now, any multiple cat owner can tell you that a pride of cats has a unique pecking order that allows its leader certain privileges, such as using the litter box first. Grace is our alpha female and until Charlie came into our lives, she was always first. But, Charlie, still a kitten and unschooled in the ways of cat society, likes to leap in each of the boxes, right as they are being filled, to do a little business, which, of course, pisses Grace off.

Can you see how much Tess loves Charlie licking on her?

Ideally, I should have five litter boxes in my house, according to what cat experts say –  one for each cat and one extra. If not for Grace’s litter box rule, I would probably need to buy that fifth box.  Grace’s rule is that two of the boxes are to be used for pooping and two are for peeing only. Three cats follow the rule, Charlie, of course, just doesn’t get it yet, which pisses Grace off.

The two boy kitties, Charlie and Tink.

Now, about the litter itself. With this many cats, I have tried to buy the super duper cheap litter, like Johnny Cat. Grace, of course, refuses to use it. So, although I cannot buy the really cheap stuff, I am lucky that I can buy two grocery store brands of litter, which are, at least moderately priced litters. I try to keep roughly 50 pounds of litter available for changes, but of course, the store is sometimes out and my stockpile gets low. Inevitably, the boxes need changed, I don’t have enough litter and I must make a special litter run to the grocery store. (Yes, normal people make beer runs, cat people make litter runs.)

Oh, and I haven’t mentioned that Grace will poop in my ficus tree if I forget to scoop the litter box. Or, that I sweep up several cups of kitty litter from my floors each day. Or, that Sam Dog will eat the poop when he can get into that room. (He normally cannot get in, we keep the door closed and have installed a kitty door.)

I figure I can talk poop with the best of the mommy bloggers! Or anyone, for that matter. Give it your best shot!

And let me leave you with this thought about poop: “Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.” – Harry S. Truman

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My good fortune

If you are a regular reader of my blog, you might remember that I mentioned a dream I had in late December. In it, I was ice skating. There were other skaters, skating on this frozen pond in a clearing in the woods. There were bonfires and people drinking mugs of hot chocolate. Everyone was happy and laughing. The snow was falling and I was skating perfect figure eights. I remember feeling incredible joy. 

I’ve been giving this dream a lot of thought and have concluded there is a message of great import in it for me.

Since I do not know how to ice skate, I think the dream is a metaphor for me to try new things. And, I think I was ice skating and not skydiving because the message is that I need not be afraid. (Not to make light of ice skating injuries, but, really, what’s the worse that might actually happen? [That is a rhetorical question and one I am not asking you to answer.])

The message is that if I am willing to try, I just might succeed and have a damn good time doing it!

Since this dream and my conclusion of it, I’ve been looking for meaning in all kinds of little things happening around me.

For instance, let me share something that happened to me a week or so ago. Brian and I went to the Chinese buffet for dinner. After dinner, I went to the ladies room to wash my hands and when I returned Brian was opening his fortune cookie. I picked up the remaining one, the one meant for me, and began opening it, while he read his fortune. “Your fondest dream will come true within this year,” his said. And, his lucky numbers are 8, 13, 23, 30, 33, 38.

I broke mine open only to discover that mine did not have a fortune in it. What? No fortune? This has never happened to me before. What can that possibly mean?

Figuring there are numerous reasons myths about why a person would not receive a fortune in his fortune cookie, I decided to go searching on the internet.  (This is never a good thing for me to do. I typically get hung up on all the extraneous info and end up spending hours on something that should have taken only minutes. Which is the case here, too.) 

To make a long story short, the general consensus in the world of fortune cookie myths is that it is very bad to get a fortune cookie with no fortune inside. The answer that I liked best, though, is this one on wiki-answers in response to someone very worried about his lack of a fortune in his cookie:

The Ying and Yang fortune cookie company has a telepathic employee who knows who is going to get each and every fortune cookie made. When she came to your cookie, she started typing up your fortune, but since it was so large, she ran out of room. She got a letter-sized piece of paper and began typing again. When she finished, she couldn’t figure out how to insert it into the cookie quickly, without cracking the cookie before getting wrapped and falling into the shipping bag at the end of the conveyor belt. If you call the company, it has your fortune sitting next to the phone, waiting for you to call, because the telepathic woman knows that you will indeed call, having telepathic abilities and all.

Haha! I also read that many people believe that the entire fortune cookie must be eaten in order for the fortune to come true. Or, believe that you should not eat the fortune cookie if the fortune seems unlucky. Or, that the entire cookie must be eaten before reading the fortune (ooh, which means that if you got an unlucky fortune, you are screwed). Or, that the fortune will not come true if read aloud, or read at all. Then there are rules on how to select your cookie. Do you close your eyes, pick one for someone else at the table, or choose a cookie that appears to be pointing at you?

I always let everyone select their cookie by whatever method they choose, and then I take the last one. It is that last remaining cookie that holds my fortune.

I’ve decided that  not getting a fortune in my fortune cookie is the luckiest of all possibilities. It means I get to create my own fortune!

What do you believe about fortune cookies?

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